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Back from vacation and already falling back into old habits

 Just back from a nice three week break which was much needed. I was really at my wits end with everything going on. Lack of progress on in my work, studies being cancelled, never-ending house renovations, family stress, etc, etc. It was all too much and it resulted in me not being able to focus. One of the major problems had to do with two of my studies needing to be stopped because of corona complications. First, I couldn't recruit for one study because clinical partners were hesitant to take on more work. Second, we just ran out of time to do the eye-tracking. The first was an issue that took a lot of time and effort to try and resolve. Both of these activities already took a lot of time and energy away from me so it's disappointing that again nothing will come of it (reminds me of all the work I put into the lung cancer case study), but I feel like that is not uncommon in academia if you think about all the time that goes into writing grant proposals.  Anyway, one of the th
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Dang

I was trying to run a latent class analysis overnight since it takes hours to do and my system restarted. Back to the beginning! And then the 14000 Halton draw MIXL!

Recognizing the issue(s)

So I had another talk with the PhD psychologist today at the UU. One of the things that we discussed was identifying when I am filtering, overgeneralizing, magnifying, or having polarizing thoughts as these ten to result in negative thoughts and emotions which leads to more procrastination and worse psychological state overall. First, a bit of background (also, I have a latent class analysis running in the background so technically I'm working right now): Filtering is simply focusing on only the negative details while ignoring the positive ones. You "filter" out the good so you're only left with the bad. Case in point: we're in the middle of a big building process for a new level above our house. It's a big project that's had a major impact on our lives, but the result has been above what we expected. It's huge, and looks great. But..... the contractor removed our upstairs toilet a month ago, the electrician needs to finish up in the pantry so we can c

Starting up

I've always thought about writing down my thoughts and ramblings, and I have in small bursts here and there. But these are never maintained for long and often the desire to journal/write/blog disappears as time passes.  Part of my issue is that I only want to write what is going on when I'm feeling down or something bad happens. Another issue is not having the time and space to write regularly. Another is simple procrastination and lack of focus. This post was inspired by the realization that my PhD feels like it's falling apart. I haven't been as consistent or hardworking as I should have been to get things done. Two kids suck time and energy out of you. Not being able to stick up for myself is another issue as I bend over backwards to help others but won't ask for help myself; even when I desperately need it. For example, I don't feel able to say "I need time to work now" to my partner. This has lead to an expectation (I feel) that I should be availa